Today I believe an appropriate summary of my emotions would be aggression. Aggression can be a good thing and a bad thing in the writing industry, for me as well. If there's one thing the artists I've worked with can tell you about me, is that I'm aggressive when it comes to meeting goals. I don't always get to the deadline, but I'm constantly pressing (in as nice a way as possible) to get the job done. I was also very aggressive when I started out in the publishing world. I searched relentlessly for an avenue that would be both beneficial and satisfying when it came to my expectations for The Heroes of Edenville. I printed from home, then got self-published, and now I've been picked up by a pro publishing company! Persistent and aggressive, I sought out my destiny to become a known author, and now I'm living that dream!
However, aggression can also be a bad thing in my world... like today for instance. I found out that I'm going to be punished for something incredibly minuscule and inconsequential! I don't want to say that old cliche of "That's not fair!" because it's just that... a cliche. Still, I don't get recognized for the things that I DO do from this person, and yet I'm going to be reprimanded for something that didn't quite meet "standards"? That makes me angry! That makes me want to blow up and tell this person exactly how it is! The emotions welled up inside me, and the aggression I felt towards this person has kept me unable from fulfilling my writing goals today. When I'm mad my writing is never up to par, and that's such a disappointment.
I'm an optimistic person, and I know that the grass is greener, and that it's not the end of the world... it COULD be worse, however there are certain emotions that tug on my creative impulses, making them damn near impossible to bring to light! I'll deal with the yelling, the screaming, the kicking and biting, or bits of spittle that fly in sporadic flurries towards my face, with dignity and poise. However my imagination isn't in the right place, and thus I cannot pay my friends in Edenville a visit without upsetting the balance...
Tomorrow it will be over with, and there is no doubt in my mind that I will spend the next several hours stomping around, cursing at no one, and flinging my arms around as I point a finger at my invisible foe. After all that has ebbed, I know that things will be better. I'm not looking forward to the situation itself, but at the same time, I can't wait! I don't like it when there is something out there that has power over this side of me. I will not let it take control. No matter how far away I am emotionally, I live in a world of great splendor, and vibrant, exuberant vitality, that no other place in the universe can compare to! And when the day is done and the deed has passed, I can go home, and my worries cannot find me there.
I almost feel like saying "nanny nanny boo boo" to this person, but I guess I'll settle for smiling inside while they get their own aggression off their chest! The moment their gone, that's when I'll stick out my tongue and wiggle my fingers near my ears! I pity you, dude! I wish there was a way you could fix your aggression without taking it out on me though.
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